A CAREFUL DECISION TO MAKE

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In Christ, Mark

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The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

1 Corinthians 7:36-38

This ends today’s reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

If you want to read a comprehensive biblical view of marriage, there are a couple of good options. The best known is in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians at the end of chapter 5 but another lesser known place is in the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians.

There’s a lot of content here and so I have divided the chapter into a series of twelve messages and we are on the next to the last one today. In it, we see Paul give this bit of counsel:

Don’t jump into marriage.

Look again at his words here:

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 1 Corinthians 7:36-38

Here we see Paul urging men in particular to exercise caution while they are courting a woman to marry and yes, I said courting.

You may wonder why Paul takes so much time using the word “virgin” in this chapter. This is because women were expected to be celibate until such a time as they married a man. Once an engagement took place, neither the man nor the woman was allowed to engage in sexual relations with one another or anyone else for that matter. This is because a biblical betrothal was treated with the same commitment expected in marriage with the addition of chastity.

Now, I have heard some people feel the Bible is tilted against women and the marital laws within the scriptures were unfairly targeting females. They would cite the way women were tested to make sure they didn’t violate the requirement to remain virgins. This test involved the placing of a white sheet on the newly wedded couples wedding bed. It was expected that the first sexual intercourse for the woman would break the hymen and produce bleeding which would stain the sheet. This sheet was then given to the newly married woman’s father as evidence to present just in case anyone brought charges against his daughter in regard to violating the virginity requirements.

So what is the argument over unfairness grounded in?

It’s the lack of any testing of the husband to ensure he had remained a virgin as well.

Here’s the thing. There was no means by which to test this back in biblical times. There wasn’t some lab where a man could be evaluated to see if he had ever dispensed semen before. And so there were no requirements because there was no clear way of proving a man’s virginity one way or another.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s go back to what Paul is trying to convey, that consideration of marriage is something that must be taken seriously and pondered properly.

If a man carefully thinks about marrying a virgin woman and realizes his deep love and passion for her, then he should go through with it. There was no sin found in doing so.

If a man carefully thinks about marrying a virgin woman and realizes he has no control over his own will, knowing this could bring harm to the marital union if he carried out the marriage due to possible infidelity, then he should follow his inclination to not marry the virgin. He is doing the right and righteous thing.

In the end translation, both men are right in what they do but note that Paul gives the man who carefully considers marriage and decides against it a higher level of praise. I believe this is because the man showed great restraint and caring for the virgin woman by not entering into marriage when his heart wasn’t devoted to her.

Friends, perhaps this portion of 1 Corinthians, chapter 7 should be a prerequisite for any men thinking about marriage. For too many marital unions are entered into without a man considering the commitment he is making and the end result is divorce, hurt, and brokenness. This isn’t what God desires from matrimonial commitments. He expects a man and woman to be in the marriage relationship for the long haul, no matter what happens. Borrowing from the vows couples take these days, their marriage is to be until death separates and until then, the steadfast devotion between the husband and wife is expected to persevere through rich and poor times, through times of health and sickness, for better or for worse.

God’s word is making it clear that the matter of marriage is not something to be taken lightly. The scriptures call for careful consideration, prayerful consideration, so the right decision can be made. Ultimately, we should allow the Lord to dictate our choice because when we do, we can always be sure we are doing what is pleasing in His sight, something He will bless.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

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