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In Christ, Mark
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In the course of time, Amnon, son of David, fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom, son of David.
Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar for she was a virgin and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?"
Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
"Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.' "
So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight so I may eat from her hand."
David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him."
So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight, and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread but he refused to eat.
"Send everyone out of here," Amnon said.
So everyone left him.
Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand."
And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "Come to bed with me, my sister."
"Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you."
But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!"
"No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me."
But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her."
So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart."
And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman.
When King David heard all this, he was furious. Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?"
"No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.
Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us."
The king asked him, "Why should he go with you?" But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king's sons.
Absalom ordered his men, "Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave."
So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules, and fled.
While they were on their way, the report came to David: "Absalom has struck down all the king's sons; not one of them is left." The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn.
But Jonadab, son of Shimeah, David's brother, said, "My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead."
Meanwhile, Absalom had fled.
Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, "I see men in the direction of Horonaim on the side of the hill."
Jonadab said to the king, "See, the king's sons are here; it has happened just as your servant said."
As he finished speaking, the king's sons came in wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his servants wept very bitterly.
2 Samuel 13:1-36
This ends our reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.
When God creates children, they belong to Him from the very beginning but He entrusts them to adults here on earth to take care of and raise up so to be the people He wants them to be. Given this, parents have an incredible responsibility and obligation to take care of the Lord’s children in the best way possible…and the best way possible is to love them and care for them with the same level of love and nurturing that He Himself would provide.
Sadly, this doesn’t always happen.
You see, way too often God’s children are victims of abuse or neglect…mistreated by the very people God has entrusted them to. Still other times, as we’ll see in our scripture passage today, a parent’s sinful actions can later be modeled by their children with disastrous results.
With this, I’m reminded of a television advertisement that ran years ago where a father was confronting his son about where he had learned to do drugs. The son, now crying, told his father he had learned by watching him do it…which left the father speechless.
Indeed, parents hold an incredible power of influence…good and bad…over their children. So how are you influencing yours?
As we see in these verses from 2 Samuel 13, the lingering effects of David’s trangressive behavior ranged well beyond the immediate impact it had on Bathsheba and her murdered husband Uriah. For as we see in this chapter, his children end up committing similar sins to his own…a biblical like father, like sons scenario.
We start with David’s son, Amnon, who “fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom”, who was also a son of David. Amnon’s lustful infatuation with his half-sister was so great that he “became frustrated to the point of illness” because “Tamar…was a virgin” and it “seemed impossible for him to do anything to her”.
Unlike today where it seems that virginity is a lost virtue given the amount of illicit sexual behavior happening, in the days of the Bible, a woman’s dignity was bound to her virginity. Any woman who lost it out of wedlock would have no chance of ever marrying any Jewish man and if they were unmarried, then they were also childless which became another strike against a woman whose value was also tied to her childbearing.
In the end translation, Amnon sleeping with his sister would be almost as bad as killing her for he would be cause her to be condemned for the rest of her life within the Jewish society.
This was something that Amnon knew but his sinful passion for Tamar drove him forward, just as his father David had done prior after gazing with lust at Bathsheba. Taking advantage of the power he held as king, he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted, in this case having sex with the beautiful wife of another man. Now, Amnon wouldn’t stop until he got to have sexual relations with his beautiful half-sister.
To that end, we see where Amnon went to his “friend…Jonadab” who was described as “a very shrewd man”. Jonadab asks Amnon why he looked “so haggard morning after morning” and Amnon confessed:
“I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."
Now any real friend would have rebuked Amnon for having such thoughts but Jonadab doesn’t do that. Instead, he becomes a willing accomplice, using his shrewdness to help Amnon craft a plan to violate Tamar. Their contrived plot involved Amnon going to bed and faking an illness that would lead to David visiting. When that happened, Amnon would request that Tamar come and prepare something for him to eat in his sight so he could “watch her and then eat it from her hand”.
Of course, we know that the only thing that Amnon wished to consume was Tamar and her dignity.
We should note here how Amnon was further mimicking his father’s sinfulness. For after David slept with Bathsheba and she became pregnant, David came up with three deceitful schemes to try and make it appear that the child Bathsheba was carrying was Uriah’s when it was really his.
Now, we see Amnon devilishly scheming to try and have sex with Tamar.
Again, like father, like son.
Back to the scriptures now where we see that “Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill” just as Joanadab and he had planned…and when David came to see him, Amnon made his rehearsed request saying:
“I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight so I may eat from her hand."
And so David, not sensing the evil within the request, “sent word to Tamar at the palace”:
"Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him."
We read where Tamar did as her father requested, going to “the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down” and once there, “she took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight, and baked it” before taking the pan to him to serve him. In what must have surprised her, Amnon refused to eat. Instead, he ordered everyone to leave the room and then said this to Tamar:
“Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand."
And so Tamar, not even thinking for a minute that she had anything to be afraid of, “took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom”. And when she did, Amnon showed his true intent, grabbing Tamar while demanding:
“Come to bed with me, my sister."
Immediately, Tamar now knew what Amnon’s true intentions were and pleaded for him to stop saying:
“Don't, my brother!…Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you."
Note the main points found in Tamar’s attempt to talk Amnon from taking away her virginity.
First, she told Amnon that what he was trying to do was wicked and should not be done in Israel…a land that was under the Lord’s care and guidance.
She then appealed for him to consider what would happen to her if he did force himself on her. His actions would bring her a disgrace that she would never be able to get rid of.
Next, she tries to remind him that he was one of the king’s sons. As royalty, he could possibly one day ascend to the throne but if he violated her, he would only become like one of the “wicked fools in Israel”.
Finally, Tamar stated that she would even be willing to marry Amnon and that he should ask his father, the king, for permission. If she was married and had sex with Amnon, then it would be acceptable within the Jewish cultural standards.
With all this, we see where Tamar did everything she could do to try and get Amnon to reconsider what he was trying to do but unfortunately the scriptures tell us that “he refused to listen” before he overpowered Tamar and “raped her”.
Now, this was bad enough but what Amnon did next was just as evil for we read where he “hated her with intense hatred”…”more than he had loved her” and gave Tamar the following order:
“Get up and get out!"
At this point, Amnon had stolen away every part of Tamar’s honor and now was inhumanely discarding her as if she was a piece of trash…something he used and then threw away.
The impact on Tamar was devastating. She responds to Amnon out of her immense anguish, saying:
“No!…Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me."
But Amnon “refused to listen to her”, calling his personal servant and telling him to remove Tamar from his chambers before bolting the door. This isolated Amnon, bow bearing the sin he committed, from his sister who was now cast off into the world wearing her “richly ornamented robe…the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore”. Now betrayed and violated, we read where she “put ashes on her head, tore the ornamented robe she was wearing, and put her hand on her head as she “went away weeping aloud”, deeply mourning her circumstances.
Lust, deceit, and abuse or power.
These were all sins that David had committed before…sins now repeated by Amnon. The father had an adverse influence on his son and that influence ended up victimizing his own daughter. But we’re about to see where the influences of David’s sin would range even further.
For we see where Tamar goes to her brother Absalom who, after seeing her with the ashes on her head and the torn robe, asks:
“Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you?”
Sensing that this is what has happened, he then tells her:
“Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart”.
Put yourself in Tamar’s place for a moment and think about how those words would have made you feel. I guess it would be easy for Absalom to be so insensitive, especially since he wasn’t the one who was raped and robbed of his dignity and value. Still, Tamar listened to him and remained living in his house where she existed as a “desolate woman”.
The bottom line is that Amnon’s lustful moment of pleasure resulted in a lifetime of shame and disgrace for Tamar. As we saw in yesterday’s message, there is an incredible cost associated with sin.
Well, the scriptures show us that Amnon’s act didn’t stay concealed because word of it got to David who was furious, although there is zero indication that he did anything to address it. I mean, as the king you would have thought he would impose a harsh penalty on his son in response to his heinous actions but he didn’t. Perhaps he (David) was disempowered by his own sinfulness, afraid to act at the expense of seeming hypocritical.
On the other hand, we see where Absalom certainly didn’t forget what his brother had done, refusing to say a word to Amnon and hating him “because he had disgraced his sister Tamar”. This hatred festered for two years until Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands.
And so as “Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim”, he “invited all the king's sons to come there” as well as his father but David declined giving Absalom his blessing. Accepting this, we see where Absalom asked his father of he would permit Amnon to come and David, although leery of doing it, sent him with the rest of his sons.
Now we know that there was a plan behind Absalom’s request…a plan to exact revenge on Amnon for what he had done to Tamar and this sinful planning mimicked the actions of David when he set up Uriah to be killed in battle. For we know that Absalom had no real intention of having Amnon come to the sheep shearing for the sheep. Rather, he only wished to lure Amnon to the event so to kill him, willing to deceive his own father, the king of Israel, to do so.
Fast forward now to the sheep shearing and as Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons were approaching, we read where Absalom gave his men the following orders:
"Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave."
And with that, “Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered”, killing him while the rest of the king’s sons “got up, mounted their mules and fled”. Before they returned home, we read where David received a false report that Absalom had killed all of his sons which led him to stand up, tear his clothes, and lay down on the ground in mourning. His servants also tore their clothes but Jonadab…yes, the same shrewd friend of Amnon…came to David in the midst of his mourning and said:
“My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead."
Jonadab was right for none of David’s other sons had died except for Amnon who was murdered by order of his brother Absalom who now fled.
Deceitful plotting and murder.
Absalom had done no differently that his father David had done before. Sin begat sin. Like father, like son,
Friends, can we see in today’s scripture passage how a parent (or parents) can adversely impact their children if they’re not careful how we act in their presence?
There’s no question that the unchecked sinfulness of parents, left unchecked, can infect the hearts and minds of their young…and lead to sinful manifestations within their own behavior. We need to remember that children are always watching and listening, ready to model the things they see others do.
Children that grow up in abusive households often become abusers as adults.
Children who are raised in environments where their parents always got drunk or were high on drugs often become alcoholics or drug addicts when they reach adulthood.
The children of parents who committed crimes and got locked up often become criminals when they get older.
The time is now for parents to stop ruining the children God has placed in their care. We have far too many Amnon’s and Absalom’s running around today, the offshoots of too many David’s. And in the wake of the sins of these children who are adults and carrying on the actions of their parents, there are many Tamar’s who are violated and destroyed in their wake.
How many more generations are we willing to ruin?
How many more times will we dishonor our Lord who brings these children into His creation and entrusts them to the care of human parents…only to see them destroy the future He is trying to establish?
It’s well beyond time that we start influencing our children properly and if that influence isn’t pointing them to be like Christ Jesus, then we’re missing the mark.
Amen.
In Christ,
Mark
PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to TheChristianWalkPrayers@gmail.com.
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