AVOIDING DISPUTES

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In Christ, Mark

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.

Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart.

A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

Proverbs 17:14, 17:19, 18:18, 18:19,

This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

Do you like conflict?

I have to admit I don’t but I sure know enough people who seem to. What is it that is so appealing about craving disputes and arguments anyways?

You know the kind of people I’m talking about, right? If you have one view on something it seems that they will go out of their way to take a different opinion just so they can enter into a verbal sparring match with you. They love to contest things and never seem to just accept an attitude of agreement or peace. Theirs is a world of contradiction and opposition and they always prefer it best when things are agitated and stirred up.

Are you associated with anyone like this? Are you like this?

As we look at God’s word today, we’ll see that we are to avoid quarrels and disputes. We’ll also be given the key to settling disagreements before they get out of hand. Look at the following proverbs:

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction. Proverbs 17:19

Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart. Proverbs 18:18

A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. Proverbs 18:19

Look at the following four illustrations as Solomon tries to highlight the dangers of instigating disputes:

1. Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam.

A dam is in place to hold water back from flooding into an area the dam is protecting. As long as the dam holds, the water stays in place and peace and safety reside on the other side.

When one starts a quarrel, it is akin to the water breaching the protection of the dam, flooding into what was a peaceful, safe side and bringing calamity. A quarrel, once started, will breach the peaceful existence between people and cause consequence through the ensuing dispute.

The key here is to not start a quarrel. Solomon’s point is simple. A dispute doesn’t happen unless someone starts it. Take away the catalyst for dispute (starting a quarrel in this case) and the dispute doesn’t happen.

2. Disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

When a dispute breaks out between people, the fall out is often a barrier placed in the middle that cannot be bridged through reconciliation. Arguments that lose control and get out of hand result in hardened hearts that become as impenetrable as the barred gates of a citadel and more unyielding than a fortified city.

3. Whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.

Typically, a person who enjoys stirring up conflict all the time is arrogant, egotistical, and prideful. They like to set a high gate up between themselves and the people they engage, unwilling to allow compromise or concession in. Their haughty unwillingness to seek, or even consider, resolution drives the conflictual relationship down the road of destruction. In other words, one who always seeks to get into it with someone else is simply wicked and wrong.

If you doubt that, I submit to you item number 4.

4. Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin.

Love to quarrel and you love sin. It’s in black and white here from God’s word. We cannot avoid its simplicity or its soul-piercing nature. You may be able to convince yourself that entering into arguments is right but the scriptures are the final word on this and any other matter.

Take this to another level now and you’ll need to see why we need to settle our differences immediately, not exasperate them by stubbornly arguing to see if we can win the dispute. I say this because if we love a quarrel then we love sin and if we love sin then we are an enemy of the Lord.

God hates sin. He hates it and He will not hesitate to bring His judgment down on anyone who loves what He hates. We might think we need to commit a major transgression to face the wrath of God. We would be thinking a lie. For God hates all sin, no matter how minor and what we find in this verse is that quarreling is a sin that He despises.

I hope this is clear to you today. Do not enter into disputes. They are counterproductive and draw us from the righteousness the Lord expects us to seek.

So how do we avoid disputes? How do we keep from falling into the argument trap?

Look at this final verse for today:

Casting the lot settles disputes and keeps strong opponents apart. Proverbs 18:18

The key is to turn to God and allow Him to settle the dispute. The very God who hates sin (and we know loving quarrels is sinful) is the very God who wants to bring reconciliation and resolution and a peaceful, agreeable outcome. In Old Testament days, this was done by casting lots which were used to discern the preferred will of God in whatever circumstance the lots were used in. In the case of a quarrel, the lot was cast, not to determine which side would be the winner but rather to determine what God’s will was for the matter. Whatever the outcome, both parties needed to comply with it for it was as if God Himself had entered into the dispute and rendered the perfect outcome. To violate God’s will was as sinful, if not more so, than entering into the quarrel in the first place.

From this, the word of Lord reveals us the proper step toward avoiding disputes and maintaining a peaceful existence with one another. The key is always asking the Lord into the heart of the disagreement and then submitting to His decision and prescribed course of action.

Know and trust this, He will never lead you wrong as the One who is the Prince of peace seeks to always bring us to a place of reconciliation underscored by love, harmony, and tranquility.

This is His will for His people and His hope for this world. And it’s time we started getting busy ensuring, as we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, that His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

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