THE DANGERS OF ENABLING

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In Christ, Mark

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again.

Proverbs 19:19       

This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

I can remember a lot of cases during my years in the Navy where Sailors who had deep rooted problems were shielded and protected by people around them so they would avoid disciplinary action. It almost becomes an art for the perpetrators and those they surround themselves with who are manipulated to believe that the offender will somehow be reformed after this current poor judgment, that they will never commit a similar act again. They may even include a superficial willingness to get help for their problem, playing this card when the patience of those protecting them starts to wear thin. Of course, they have no intention of getting help. They are just trying to string things along so they can continue to live their lives the way they want to live them.

Maybe you have seen cases like this. Maybe you are even a person who is like the one I am writing about. In either case, if you fit the model above as the one who is protecting another’s misconduct, then you are an enabler, one who only plays a part in allowing a person to persist in illicit behavior which when prolonged can have devastating effects.

Let me give you a real life example. I’ll leave the time and place out of this as it only serves as a detractor from the point of the event.

A person driving a vehicle under the influence of alcohol lost control of his car, crossed the center line on a highway and hit another vehicle carrying a family of four head on. The two parents in the front died instantly; the three year old and 9 month baby would die before they could get them to the hospital. The drunk driver survived.  

As the investigation unfolded, police discovered that the offender had a long history of drinking problems and this had not been the first time he had got behind the wheel intoxicated. In fact, he had been in accidents before, several of them. In each instance, family members or friends covered for the person. They were afraid that he would end up in jail if he was ever caught. Now, four people were dead. The drunk driver was indeed going to jail for a long time and he was going there under the weight of knowing he had taken four lives, leaving families devastated and being the source of lost futures.

Those who had enabled the drunk driver also lamented. They reflected on what could have been had they just had the courage to allow the offender to pay the penalty earlier as the price later ended up being far greater. They realized too late that by continuing to rescue the offender from his wrongs, they were setting the stage for a disaster of the most heart-wrenching degree. They would have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives, wondering what could have been had they just did something differently.

Solomon spoke words of warning about enabling in the following proverb:

A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

Although Solomon is talking about anger here, the principle is the same. Continue to enable someone’s negative behavior and you will have to do it again and again and again until something terrible happens and the person is beyond rescue anymore. In his example, an angry person who is continuously allowed to manifest his or her anger without consequence possibly becomes the next murderer or bully or abuser. Someone pays a heavy price down the road, sometimes a heavier price than the offender when intervention is prevented from happening.

The wisdom of Solomon speaks to us in a unique way this morning about a matter most of us will have to face in life, the matter of having to decide whether to intervene or intercede. We simply must fully realize the dangers associated with enabling and above all, turn to the Lord for guidance as to what we should do, just as we should do in all circumstances.

Know and trust that the Lord will always guide us to the right call when it comes to matters of life. Seek Him and be an instrument of His will when it comes to your dealings with others. It’s the only way to truly help others who are refusing to operate within His will in their own lives.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

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