HOW ARE YOU INFLUENCING YOUR CHILDREN?

Can I pray for you in any way? Send any prayer requests to faithhopegodlove@aol.com In Christ, Mark

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?"

Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."

"Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.' "

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand."

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

"Send everyone out of here," Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "Come to bed with me, my sister."

"Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you." But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!"

"No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me."

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman.

When King David heard all this, he was furious. Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?"

"No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.

Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us."

The king asked him, "Why should he go with you?" But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king's sons.

Absalom ordered his men, "Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave." So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.

While they were on their way, the report came to David: "Absalom has struck down all the king's sons; not one of them is left." The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn.

But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother, said, "My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead."

Meanwhile, Absalom had fled.

Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, "I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the hill."

Jonadab said to the king, "See, the king's sons are here; it has happened just as your servant said."

As he finished speaking, the king's sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his servants wept very bitterly.

2 Samuel 13:1-36

This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

When God creates children, they belong to Him from the very beginning. But He entrusts His children to adults here on earth to take care of and raise to be the people He wants them to be. Given this, parents have an incredible responsibility and obligation to take care of God’s children in the best way possible…and the best way possible is to love them and care for them with the same level of love and nurturing that God Himself would provide.

Sadly, this doesn’t always happen, does it?

Too often, God’s children are victims of abuse or neglect…mistreated by the very people God has entrusted them to. Still other times, as we’ll see in our scripture today, a parent’s sinful actions can later be modeled by their children with disastrous results. And I’m reminded of the advertisement I watched several years ago that had a father confronting his son about where he had learned to do drugs. The son, now crying, told his father he had learned by watching him do it…which left the father speechless. Indeed, parents hold an incredible power of influence…good and bad…over their children.

So how are you influencing your children?

As we see in our scripture today, David’s sinful actions ranged well beyond the immediate effect on Bathsheba and her murdered husband Uriah. For we see his children exhibit the same sins that he committed…like father, like sons in this case.

We start with David’s son Amnon who we read “fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom”, who was also a son of David. Amnon’s infatuation with his half-sister was so great that he “became frustrated to the point of illness” because “Tamar…was a virgin” and it “seemed impossible for him to do anything to her”.

Indeed, unlike today where it seems that virginity is a lost virtue with so much illicit sexual behavior happening, in the days of the Bible, a woman’s dignity was bound to her virginity. Any woman who lost her virginity out of wedlock would have no chance of ever marrying and if they were unmarried then they were also childless, another strike against a woman whose value was often tied to their childbearing. Thus, Amnon sleeping with her sister would be almost as bad as killing her for he would be condemning her forever in society.

Amnon knew this but his sinful lust drove him forward. Just as his father, King David, would not stop in having what he wanted…sleeping with the beautiful wife of another man…so too would Amnon not cease to sleep with his beautiful half-sister.

So Amnon went to his “friend…Jonadab” who is described as “a very shrewd man”. Jonadab asks Amnon why he looks “so haggard morning after morning” and Amnon tells him, “I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."

Now any real friend would tell Amnon to forget about his lustful feelings…that doing anything to Tamar would be wrong and sinful. But we read where Jonadab doesn’t do that. Instead, he uses his shrewdness to help Amnon craft a plan to violate Tamar…and in doing so, becomes an accessory to the crime Amnon will commit.

And so Amnon and Jonadab come up with their plot. Amnon is to go to bed and pretend to be ill and as David visits his son, Amnon would ask his father to have Tamar come and prepare something for him to eat in his sight. So he could “watch her and then eat it from her hand”. Of course, we know that the only thing that Amnon wished to consume was Tamar and her dignity.

Note here how Amnon is now further mimicking his father’s sinfulness. For after David slept with Bathsheba and she became pregnant, David came up with three deceitful schemes to try and get his way by making it seem that the child Bathsheba was carrying was Uriah’s when it was really his.

Now, we see David’s son devilishly scheming himself to try and get his own way with Tamar.

Like father, like son.

Back to the scriptures where we see that “Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill” just as Joanadab and he had planned. And when David came to see him, Amnon makes his request saying, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand." So David, not sensing the evil intended by the request, “sent word to Tamar at the palace” to "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him."

And so Tamar did as her father requested, going to “the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down”. Once there, “she took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it” before taking the pan to him to serve him the bread which he refused to eat.

Instead, Amnon ordered everyone to leave the room and then asked Tamar to “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand." And so Tamar, not even thinking for a minute that she had anything to be afraid of, “took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom”. And when she did, Amnon showed his true intent, grabbing Tamar and demanding, “Come to bed with me, my sister."

Immediately, Tamar knew what Amnon’s true intentions were and pleaded for him to stop saying:

“Don't, my brother!…Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you."

Note here Tamar’s attempts to convince Amnon to stop.

She first told Amnon that what he was trying to do was wicked and should not be done in Israel…a land that was under the Lord’s care and guidance.

She then appealed for him to consider what he would do to her if he forced himself on her. His actions would bring her a disgrace that she would never be able to get rid of.

She then tried to get him to consider himself and his place as one of the king’s sons. As royalty, he could possibly one day ascend to the throne but if he violated her, he would only become like one of the “wicked fools in Israel”.

Finally, Tamar shows that she would even be willing to marry Amnon and that he should ask his father, the king, for permission. At least then if they were to have sexual relations, it would be acceptable under cultural standards.

Tamar did everything she could do to try and get Amnon to turn from what he was trying to do. But scripture tells us that “he refused to listen” before he overpowered Tamar and “raped her”. What he did next was just as evil for we read where he “hated her with intense hatred”…”more than he had loved her” and told her to “Get up and get out!" Amnon had stolen away every part of Tamar’s honor and now was discarding her as if she was disposable…someone he could use and then just send away.

We sense Tamar’s pain and anguish as she refuses to conform to Amnon’s demand saying, “No!…Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me." But again, Amnon “refused to listen to her”, calling his personal servant and telling him to remove Tamar from his chambers and then bolt the door. Amnon would be left concealed with the sin he committed while Tamar was cast off into the world wearing her “richly ornamented robe…the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Now betrayed and violated, she “put ashes on her head, tore the ornamented robe she was wearing, and put her hand on her head as she “went away weeping aloud”, deeply mourning her circumstances.

Lust, deceit and abuse or power. Sins we saw David commit before. Sins we see his son Amnon commit now. Truly David had an adverse influence on Amnon and that influence ended up victimizing his own daughter. We’re soon to see that the influence of sin will range even further.

For Tamar goes to her brother Absalom who, after seeing her with the ashes on her head and the torn robe, asks, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you?” Sensing that this is what has happened, he tells her, “Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart”…words that seem easy for him to say since he wasn’t the one raped and robbed of his dignity. But Tamar listened to her brother and remained living in his house where scripture tells us she was “a desolate woman”. Amnon’s lustful moment of pleasure had resulted in a lifetime of shame and disgrace for Tamar. Such is the incredibly tragic cost of sin.

Well, Amnon’s act didn’t stay concealed because David heard about it and was furious, although curiously we aren’t told that he does anything about it. You would think he would impose a harsh penalty on his son for his heinous actions but he didn’t. Perhaps, David was disempowered by his own sinfulness, afraid to act at the expense of seeming hypocritical.

Absalom on the other hand did not forget, refusing to say a word to Amnon and hating him “because he had disgraced his sister Tamar”. And this hatred festered for two years until Absalom felt he had to take matters into his own hands.

And so as “Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim”, he “invited all the king's sons to come there”. Absalom also invited his father but David declined giving Absalom his blessing. But Absalom persisted and asked if David would allow Amnon to come with him. David, although leery of sending Amnon, sent him after Absalom’s urging along with the rest of his sons.

Now we know that Absalom had a plan…a plan to exact revenge on Amnon for what he had done to Tamar. And in doing so, Absalom was copying the sinful plotting that his father David had done prior.

For Absalom had no real intention of having Amnon come to the sheep shearing for the sheep. No, his intent was to lure Amnon to the event so he could kill him. And he was willing to deceive his own father…who knew a little about deceit himself…to get his way…just as David had set up Uriah to be killed on the battlefield by ordering Joab to place him on the front line.

So as Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons were coming to the sheep shearing at the blessing of their father, Absalom gave his men the following orders:

"Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave."

And with that, “Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered”, killing him while the rest of the king’s sons “got up, mounted their mules and fled”. Scripture tells us that as “they were on their way”, David received a false report that Absalom had killed all of his sons which led David to stand up, tear his clothes and lay down on the ground in mourning. His servants also tore their clothes. But Jonadab…the shrewd friend of Amnon, came to David in the midst of his mourning and told him, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead."

And Jonadab was right. No one had died except Amnon…murdered by the order of his brother Absalom who now fled.

Deceitful plotting and murder. Absalom had done no differently that his father David had done before. Sin begat sin. Like father, like son,

Friends, do we not see in this scripture passage how we can adversely affect our children if we’re not careful how we act in their presence? Our sinfulness left unchecked can infect the hearts and minds of our young…and lead to manifestations of our own behaviors. After all, how do children learn unless they observe and see what someone else does…seeking to model what they see, hear and do?

The time is now for us to stop ruining our children. Many adults today suffer because they were brought up in a sinful environment and carried on in the sin that they were exposed to and taught from...just like Amnon and Absalom. And in their wake, many have been left violated and destroyed like Tamar.

How many more generations are we willing to ruin? How many more times will we violate our God who brings these children into His creation and entrusts them to our care…only to see us destroy the future He is trying to establish?

In closing, I ask once more…How are you influencing your children?

If it isn’t fully influencing them in Christ Jesus, then you’re missing the mark.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it.

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