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In Christ, Mark
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The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.
"If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins."
Exodus 22:16-17
This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.
In today’s scripture verses, we find God transitioning from the matters of stealing, negligence, and restitution to a serious matter which also afflicts our society today, namely sexual relations outside of marriage. As we see, the Lord specifically addresses a scenario where a virgin might be seduced to sleep with a man who she is not pledged to be married to.
To understand the severity of this, we need to understand the culture of the time.
You see, in Israel, as it was in other parts of the Middle East, every person within a family carried great value. Virgin women were of particular importance because they would bring the family financial gain once a wedding contract had been put in place between a prospective groom and the bride’s family. The groom would agree to pay the "bride-price" (sometimes also referred to a dowry) to the bride’s family in exchange for the permission for her to marry him.
Now, if it sounds like a commerce exchange, you’re right because in essence that’s what it was. The groom was purchasing the bride for himself from the family with the “bride-price” serving as compensation for the family losing one of their members.
So what happened if a woman wasn’t a virgin?
In those times, her value would diminish greatly as grooms were only interested in marrying a woman who had not been in sexual relations with any other man. It’s important to note that any sexual relations before marriage were looked down on as sinful and this transgression would be amplified if either the betrothed man or woman had sexual relations with someone else while they were engaged. In essence, a marriage contract and the ensuing engagement were viewed as the couple already being married before the wedding actually took place.
With this as a backdrop, let’s now go back to our passage for today and you should have a better understanding why this topic was such a big deal. For the man who seduced the virgin into having sex was essentially stealing away her value and this wouldn’t happen without consequences.
What was the penalty?
We read where the man was required to not only "pay the bride-price" to the family but also marry the now ex-virgin ("she shall be his wife"). Further, note where the father of the ex-virgin reserved the right to flat out stop the marriage altogether if he objected to his daughter marrying the man who stole away her virginity. In that scenario, the man who lay with the virgin and had sex "must still pay the bride-price” for the virgin, showing us that the family was going to be compensated no matter what.
So why is this still a problem today?
Well, in Middle Eastern, African, and Asian countries, this ancient practice still happens as marriage contracts are still entered into with “bride-prices” paid. And unfortunately, there are still virgins who are being seduced by men into having sexual relations ahead of the woman entering into a binding marriage contract. Indeed, these scripture verses from over 2,000 years ago are still applicable today.
But what about in other countries where this is not practiced?
Is it still permissible for people to have sex before marriage?
I think the scriptures clearly show that God is not in favor of it.
Why?
Because it always brings devaluation and I will offer two ways this happens.
First, it devalues sex as God intended it to be.
Each of us is special in our own ways. Our Lord created us this way and there are no two people who are exactly like. Even identical twins, who share so many physical similarities, will have different personalities and mannerisms.
Indeed, God has made us unique but yet He has given us similar gifts to experience while enjoying life in service to Him and others. One of the more special gifts He provides is the privilege to have sexual relations within the construct of a marriage between a man and a woman.
When sex is reserved for marriage, it carries with it a special significance, a higher love saved and reserved for the partner one will spend the rest of their life with, until death do they part as the traditional marriage vows proclaim.
These sexual relations within a marriage also carry with them another special blessing, the chance to reproduce. Indeed, God intended for married couples to have the opportunity to be fruitful and multiply, having children that belong to Him with the steep responsibility to raise them up properly into adulthood. Essentially, the Lord entrusts His beloved little ones to the care of their parents.
With all this, we need to see that premarital sex cheapens the special nature of sex as God intended and removes its significance. Today, people don’t hesitate to "hook up" just to have sex without regard to the possible outcome (i.e. sexual disease, pregnancy, etc). Too often, they not only devalue sex but themselves in the process for many a man or woman or both have been mentally and/or physically scarred forever because of sexual relations out of wedlock. Maybe less people would sin against God in premarital sex if we promoted these bad news stories but of course, Satan wouldn’t want that. He has taken our world to a place where sex is an anything goes proposition, encouraging people to fully submit to their desires at any time and seemingly any place. I can’t help but think about how this must sadden God.
Secondly, having sex before marriage devalues the marriage itself.
Why do you think there are so many divorces today?
They happen because people have stopped taking the marital commitment seriously.
First of all, many people have just hooked up with people many times before they actually choose to marry and those preliminary, premarital sexual interludes didn’t involve any form of obligation. It was just sex with the man and woman pleasuring themselves with one another and then going their separate ways. There was even a movie made about this at one time called “Friends Without Benefits”.
Well, this sinful behavior in the presence of God carries with it a societal consequence because when marriage comes, a man and woman haven’t usually been in a relationship which required total devotion to another person. And so marriage turns into a union where people agree to try a forever life together with the caveat that they can just divorce if things don’t work out. In this model, marriage just becomes a more advanced version of "hooking up" and too often marriages end because either the husband or wife or both decide it’s okay to continue to hook up for sex with others after vowing to dedicate themselves only to one another.
Take a few moments to look at the statistics as they apply to infidelity in marriage. They are staggering and sobering, nothing short of disappointing, but they also prove my point.
Marriage has been devalued by pre-marital sexual activity.
Beyond all the analysis, the bottom line is that God does not support pre-marital sexual activity and refusing to be obedient to His expectation is flat out disobedient and disrespectful toward Him.
God expects sanctity and purity in marriage. One man and one woman who have withheld from having sexual relations so they could experience the special nature of sex with one another, and only one another, just the way the Lord wants it to be.
As you read this today, I ask for you to do yourself and God a favor.
Value yourself, value the special nature of sex, value the unique quality of marriage, and value God enough to listen to His commands. If you do, you will be upholding the sexual values that the Lord has established through His word, sexual values that make marriage the wonderful blessing it is.
Amen.
In Christ,
Mark
PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to TheChristianWalkPrayers@gmail.com.
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