PREVENTIVE MEASURES TO STAVE OFF FAMILY DYSFUNCTION

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In Christ, Mark

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The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

At that time, Judah left his brothers and went down to stay with a man of Adullam named Hirah. There Judah met the daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua. He married her and lay with her; she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, who was named Er. She conceived again and gave birth to a son and named him Onan. She gave birth to still another son and named him Shelah. It was at Kezib that she gave birth to him.

Genesis 38:1-5

This ends this reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

Now, I don’t know too many families today who don’t have problems, especially when children are involved. And sometimes when children grow up into adulthood, they can be more problematic than they were when they were younger. It’s true now and as we see in the scriptures, it was the same way back in Old Testament times.

Different culture. Different era, but surprisingly similar problems when compared to today. We can see this when we take the children of Jacob (Israel) into consideration and as we do, you might realize that your family dysfunction is mild by comparison. For his kids, twelve sons and a daughter, grew into adulthood, here’s a few things that he had to deal with:

1. His only daughter, Dinah, was raped by Shechem, son of Hamor the Hivite (Genesis 34:1-2). Culturally, this sexual assault carried with it a lifelong penalty as Dinah was no longer a virgin and suitable for marriage. She would end up single and childless for the rest of her life.

2. In response to what happened to Dinah, her brothers Simeon and Levi, Jacob’s second and third born sons, slaughtered all the men who resided in Shechem because what the ruler’s son had done to their sister. This murderous, vengeful rampage came after they duped the city’s males to be circumcised so they would be incapacitated and vulnerable to attack.

3. Reuben, the eldest son who was entitled to the family birthright, subsequently threw it all away when he decided to sleep with Bilhah, his father’s concubine. His adulterous actions couldn’t have been more devastating and destructive.

4. And then eleven of Jacob’s sons got together and decided to kill their brother Joseph out of jealousy and hatred for him. Not able to bring themselves to murder him and have his blood on their hands, they instead decided to sell him, their own flesh and blood, into slavery. They then tricked their father into believing Joseph had been killed, bring him the special colored robe that had been stained with goat’s blood.

Now, how would you have liked to be Jacob and have had to deal with all this?  

I don’t think anyone would say they would want to take his place, for sure.

In this account of Jacob’s family, we see three distinct incidents where Jacob’s sons had conducted themselves in a way that dishonored him and, more importantly, God. In fact, Reuben’s actions angered Jacob so much that he transferred the family birthright to Joseph. Yes, you got it, the Joseph who was now sold into slavery.

With all this, surely there wouldn’t be any more dysfunction in this family, right?

Wrong. For in our scripture today, we see Judah, the fourth born son, deciding to break away from his Israelite kin and associate with the Canaanites.

Look again at these opening verses from Genesis, chapter 38:

At that time, Judah left his brothers and went down to stay with a man of Adullam named Hirah. There Judah met the daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua. He married her and lay with her; she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, who was named Er. She conceived again and gave birth to a son and named him Onan. She gave birth to still another son and named him Shelah. It was at Kezib that she gave birth to him. Vv.1-5

You may remember how Jacob’s father Isaac was so insistent that his son not marry a Canaanite woman (Genesis 28:1) and so Jacob was sent to his uncle Laban to wed a relative instead.

So why was Isaac so adamant about who his son would marry?

It was really about religious practices when we get right down to it.

The Canaanites lived within a pagan culture, worshipping false gods and idols. Isaac knew that if Jacob intermarried, then he would find his faith corrupted and possibly adopt the religious practices of his wife. This would place his son in a position of enmity with God.

But as we turn back to our passage for today, we find Judah doing what his father didn’t, marrying the “daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua” and then having three sons with her.

I find it interesting that the scriptures give so little credit to the Canaanite woman that Judah marries. We are never even given her name and this is in stark contrast to other biblical birth accounts such as when Jacob’s sons and daughter were born (Genesis 29:31-30:24). And while the mother is identified by name, God’s word does give us the names of the sons that she gave birth to.

As for those sons, we will see what happens with them a future message but it’s almost predictable at this point that things are not going to go well for them.

Why?

When it comes down to it, it’s a matter of God’s favor and as in many places in the Bible, we’re going to see where parents can make decisions that will ultimately impact the lives of their children afterwards.

Going back to the passage for today, we find Judah, a man of the one and only true God, willingly deciding to marry and bear children with a woman who has rejected the one and only true God and chosen to worship many false gods (emphasis on the small "g"). This union of holiness with ungodliness results in three children born out of a sinful union as Judah opts to yoke himself to an immoral Canaanite wife. Subsequently, his children would be brought up in ways that would be displeasing to the Lord.

In support of this, we need to remember that every polytheistic culture disrespects God, the Maker and Master of all created people. We also know through His own words that God doesn’t stand for being disrespected. Consider this excerpt from the Ten Commandments that He would give to the Israelite people through Moses:

"You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in Heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me." Exodus 20:3-5

Friends, today’s lesson carries with it a lot of takeaways and we should be ready to self examine ourselves in response.

First, we need to bear children out of marriages that honor God.

The Bible is full of examples where children born out of non-God endorsed sexual relations ended up in enmity with him and His people. 

Second, our children can suffer in their lives when parents don't honor the Lord with theirs. 

In the Jacob story, we saw where he sinned through deception and this sin ended up evident in the actions of his children later. 

And in our passage for today, we see where Judah deliberately marries an ungodly, pagan woman before having three sons with her, three sons who would grow up ungodly themselves.

Further, we find the Lord promising that there would be consequences for future generations of those who disrespected Him through worshiping anyone or anything else and we know that God always keeps His promises. 

How many more times do we need to see innocent children tainted through the sinfulness of those God has entrusted with the responsibility to parent in His name and for His sake?

Third, we need to seriously consider our actions as we are raising children.

Our kids are always watching us and learning, even when we’re not directly engaging them. They are learning how to become an adult and you are the one they see the most. Make sure they have the right role model to follow, carefully considering every word or action.

Fourth, and as an extension of the third takeaway, make sure that your kids see the Lord in you.

Hopefully, you have a relationship with Him. They need to develop theirs. As a godly parent, you are accountable to the Lord for making sure your children grow up getting to know Him so they can mature in that relationship as an adult and then do for your children what you did for them when they were younger.

In the end translation, if something is important to the parent, the family leader, it will be important to the children. Make the Lord the most important thing in your family and He will bless your family in return. It’s one way to eliminate potential dysfunction like we see in the Jacob family story.  

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to TheChristianWalkPrayers@gmail.com.