"Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. And quarreling arose between Abram's herdsmen and the herdsmen of Lot. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time. So Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers. Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right; if you go to the right, I'll go to the left." Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company: Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom. Now the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the Lord. The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, "Lift up your eyes from where you are and look north and south, east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you." So Abram moved his tents and went to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where he built an altar to the Lord." Genesis 13:5-18
After his time in Egypt, Abram took his wife Sarai, nephew Lot, and went back to Bethel where they settled. It didn’t take long before problems began to arise between Abram’s and Lot’s herdsmen. They were quarreling over use of the land because it "could not support them…for their possessions were so great."
Now Abram, the elder, could have very well just told his nephew Lot to leave the land if he could not get his herdsmen under control but he didn’t. Instead, he sought to compromise and come up with an arrangement that would satisfy all parties. Abram proposes they part company but shows right away that he is willing to work with Lot to ensure the matter gets resolved. Abram says to Lot, "Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right; if you go to the right, I'll go to the left." In this proposal, Lot was give first choice as to where he would like to settle and he chose the fertile Jordan plain. Abram remained in Canaan. Conflict resolved…everyone ended up getting something they could work and live with.
The matter didn’t end there however because the Lord entered in and once again bestowed blessings on Abram. We sense that Abram, who had just shown sin and failure in Egypt, had once again fallen back into favor with the Lord by the way he handled the matter with Lot. For the Lord tells Lot to "lift up your eyes from where you are and look north and south, east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you." Not only was Abram going to be blessed but so would his offspring. Scripture tells us that Abram moved "to live near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron where he built an altar to the Lord."
We can glean several key take-aways from Abram and the way he handled family conflict:
1. Always be willing to work with the person you’re in conflict with. Too many problems are doomed from resolution because either one party or the other are not willing to work matters out. Abram did not hesitate to engage Lot right away on the land conflict. He use dialogue that was cooperative vice confrontational saying, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers." His attitude set the stage for a settlement.
2. Use a language and attitude that fosters productive negotiation toward resolving disharmony. From the very beginning, Abram used an attitude and language that was non-confrontational. You can go a long way toward diffusing negative attitudes and language by staying positive and collaborative. Typically, anger begets anger when two people are in dispute. Conversely, I have found that peace begets peace…and peaceful discussion can lead to solution.
3. Humility and a willingness to compromise are vital to resolving conflict. Abram was willing to let Lot choose the land he wanted first even though he was the elder. Abram knew that all the land was useful and no one was going to be a loser in his proposal to part company. Yet by allowing Lot first choice, he showed he was willing to do whatever he could to resolve the problem at hand. The result was an easy settlement and family peace.
4. The Lord favors effective use of humility and compromise to resolve matters. Abram’s actions led to the Lord renewing His blessings, not only on Abram, but his offspring as well.
Conflict is inevitable in our lives whether it is in our families, amongst friends or in the work place. How we conduct ourselves when we are in the midst of conflict can make all the difference in whether we are able to reach resolution or be mired in the pain and agony of discord. Through Abram, we’re reminded that humility and compromise are at the heart of effectively solving contention. The Lord expects these qualities to be at the center of our hearts as well.
In Christ,
Mark
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